One of the lessons that jumps out at me as of the last couple of months is "be with..." So many times, I want to help and fix and assist people in moving forward, I forget to "be with." So what does this mean? To me this means that I get to sit with someone and I get to be with them. I get to be sad with them, I get to be happy with them, I get to be frustrated with them. I don't fix, I don't rationalize, I don't suggest, I don't help... I get to be with. By being with someone, I get to make their story about them, not about me. When I try to help or give advice, I am now changing the focus of their story to me and whatever my subconscious needs might be. I know I am probably not the only one that does this at times. It's definitely difficult to be with; however, if you become aware of the situation, and the needs of the person you realize that this is about what they need. And nine times out of ten, the person needs you to "be with" them. Simple as that.
I've really cemented this lesson lately because of my husband. He's had cancer for some years, and there are times when he is not feeling so great. It pains me to see him go through a tough time so I offer tea, I offer head rubs, I offer special treats, I try to do whatever I can to ease his processes. When I finally looked outside of myself, I saw that everything I was trying to do for him, would satisfy ME, not necessarily him. So I stopped offering and stopped trying to help. Instead, I will now just sit with him on the couch while he feels ill, and hold his hand, or hold him. That's it. I don't say anything, I don't do anything for him (unless he asks), I am just with him. Simple. And that's all he needs really, he just wants me to sit next to him and hold him and be quiet. Sitting in silence together, or just sitting next to him as he sleeps allows him to feel safe. And it took me all this time to finally realize that all I had to do was "be with" him, and not try to make him feel better. He's great at letting me know what he needs, so I am just with him. And it's perfect.
So go and "be with" someone in their time of need. It might be exactly what they need!
I've really cemented this lesson lately because of my husband. He's had cancer for some years, and there are times when he is not feeling so great. It pains me to see him go through a tough time so I offer tea, I offer head rubs, I offer special treats, I try to do whatever I can to ease his processes. When I finally looked outside of myself, I saw that everything I was trying to do for him, would satisfy ME, not necessarily him. So I stopped offering and stopped trying to help. Instead, I will now just sit with him on the couch while he feels ill, and hold his hand, or hold him. That's it. I don't say anything, I don't do anything for him (unless he asks), I am just with him. Simple. And that's all he needs really, he just wants me to sit next to him and hold him and be quiet. Sitting in silence together, or just sitting next to him as he sleeps allows him to feel safe. And it took me all this time to finally realize that all I had to do was "be with" him, and not try to make him feel better. He's great at letting me know what he needs, so I am just with him. And it's perfect.
So go and "be with" someone in their time of need. It might be exactly what they need!
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